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My Head is Blank!

I wanted to write, I do not know what to write. My head is blank, not actually blank I have so many things in mind but do not have one specific subject. It’s hot this day which made me feel terrible. I’m having trouble with my respiratory system. I have a cough and a runny nose. I can’t control myself to sneeze, I sneeze all the time.

There’s a brown-out rotation schedule and sometimes our feeder shuts down when I needed electricity the most.  My baby’s asleep I hope she will still sleep until 4pm. I want to tend our garden, but I don’t like to have my skin burnt. I look filthy, I look old, if I would just let myself I will be ugly forever. Not the type of a vain person I am. So I will stay inside the house, even if I’m perspiring, that’s okay, as long as I won’t let my skin burn again.

I cannot surf, the internet is down. I want to spend the rest of the afternoon, blogging, commenting, liking and see if somebody has done blogging about business establishments here in GenSan. I’d like to expand my writing through giving factual information about any businesses here in GenSan. I would like to do something else. Something like blogging about wedding stuffs, directories, updates on their latest gowns and dresses or any new amenities or services they can economically offer to the bride-to-be and groom-to-be. I haven’t finish my GenSan Matters page, I should go to LTO, NBI, NSO, Socoteco II to collect factual information about the list of requirements on acquiring a certain document or account.. ahh so much more to do. Or just log-in to facebook to catch up with friends and relatives I haven’t contacted or seen in a while.

You see, a lot has changed ever since I enter the world of marriage. I do not have the time hanging around with friends and going out at night. It’s not that my husband is strict. He’s very cool and supportive. But when I go out, I always checked my phone if my baby’s awake or has any problem. A lot of things are happening when going out and one of it is flirting. I’m all sold out, I’m not in the market anymore. It made me feel out, though I love the company that I have. I prefer to stay at home and just talk or watch quality movies, no shit movies okay?

I would love to watch The Avengers, they say it’s a good movie and I have a crush on Thor. I’m very outspoken to my husband whenever I have a physique appreciation to guys. I want to be honest with him. I already told him that I got butterflies on my stomach whenever I watch a movie of Edward Norton, Brad Pitt is my beautiful vampire, Robert Downey Jr. is very handsome in his mid 20s, Thor is very masculine but so heart melting whenever he crack a smile, he’s such a heart-throb! And he just sighed and said, “Whatever, you’re married and ugly anyway, nobody will love you like I do.” Such a mean person, he is. Hmmp!

My husband, my husband is a lot of things. He could be my friend, we watch or talk about something and laugh about it. He could be my lover, he’s such a sweet person and everybody told me that I’m not, that I am an insensitive person. Anyway since the vote is in majority I’ll accept it, I’m just an honest person doing things I like to do, hating things I do not like to do, okay? Where was I? about my husband being such a sweet person. I hate it when he’ll kiss and hug me while I’m all sweaty doing household chores. I hate it when he touches my armpit. I told him, “that’s my private part, you cannot touch that!” And he would just ignore me and do it again, it’s very irritating. I don’t have a body odor I just don’t want my armpit be touched by anyone, ever. But I love it when he simply hug me when I woke up, felt like we’ll be having a great day. He knew my limits, he knew when I am tired and he knew how to make me laugh and smile. So much about him being such a sweet person. He could be my enemy too! We argue and fight about anything, I’m pretty sure that’s normal in a couple. He won’t stop until he made me realized that my perception is wrong. He will not consider stopping until a factual information is being justified. We Filipinos are following things that are already a tradition, but without any scientific explanation, my husband won’t follow it. I’m just being vague here, cannot count the tell-tale of the fight but he would admit and apologize whenever he’s wrong, too. And yeah, that’s my husband.

Back on my runny nose, i really hate having a runny nose. I sneeze all the time, did I mention that already? I can recall my daughter having one and we ended up having a sleepless night. Poor her, poor us, we all sleep until lunch. I don’t like it when one of us has an illness. I remember my mother always went to church on Sundays. I told her, I want to be admitted in the hospital and see if who will come and visit me, so I would know who really cares. She scolded me and said, “I always go to church on Sundays and always pray that nobody would get sick, and there you are dreaming of some illness so you would know who cares. That’s a stupid, crappy idea!” I do understand now why she’s been very upset.

Life is not a game that once you fail you can restart and play the game until you win. It’s never easy. There are a lot of things I don’t understand until now, now that I am a mother. Like, why do we have to be at home before 6pm when we’re in high school? Why do we have to stay at home during Sundays, ahh family day, family that is the most important relationship you could ever attain to. It’s the basic unit of the community, that’s where your personality being mold. Unfortunately, we don’t have that basic simple living way back in my childhood that is why I got so many questions unanswered before, confusions.

What the heck, this writing has reached two-pages already. What did I just write?

 

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Posted by on April 26, 2012 in Random Thoughts

 

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